who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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