apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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