my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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