While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
