I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
