We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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