I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
