Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
