Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
