Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
