I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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