Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
