I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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