I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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