I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
