my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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