Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
