Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
