I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
