I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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