I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
