One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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