dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
