He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
