Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
