Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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