and she was petting her beer can
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
