90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize