I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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