i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
