I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
