im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
