somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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