Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
