I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
