There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
