also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The uberlube is also flammable
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
