Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
