I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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