Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
