Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
