that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
thus making me awesome and them whores
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
