dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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