Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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