mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I faked an abortion last night.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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