i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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