So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Apparently you make a good broom.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
you never un-have a 4some
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
