Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
