Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
