I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
