I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
