It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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