ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
