this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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