he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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