remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
