So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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