After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
