Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
