YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize