I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize