I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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