He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
