Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
