Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
