ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I want her autograph on my taint
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
