I wanna passion pit in your ass
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
