Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize