you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
