I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
