Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
