Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We have so much sex to catch up on
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
