Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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