just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
