okay pat passed out under dana's car
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
