i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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